Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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