**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize