I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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