Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
