Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you will always have a special place in my vag
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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