Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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