she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
