OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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