so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
