in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
