I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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