i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize