Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
