i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
