We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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