Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
