My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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