Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
