Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
