it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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