We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
