I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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