yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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