ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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