i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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