Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
