The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
