you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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