The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
