so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
