yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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