not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
