What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
