I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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