Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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