im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
