I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
