I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
