Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
