Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I want to fling myself into the sun
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
