Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
