I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
