Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
