the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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