Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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