We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
