oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
