You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
