So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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