fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
where are you?
Hypothermia
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
