New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
