i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
