I hate your face
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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