We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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