Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
