Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
