Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize