I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
