he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
