arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
