and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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