Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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