did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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