Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
