Where is the hickey?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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