some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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