I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize