i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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