I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
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