So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
