My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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