Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
