i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
