So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
