He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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