Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize