I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize