do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
