No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
