this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
