Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
